Happy Healthy Human

Well hello there. Yes, it's been a minute or two since I last blogged, but I've been busy. Happy to say that my life is pretty full today, with positive things. I don't think this post will be about one topic in particular today; I think I'm just going to pour my thoughts out for this one, more like a journal entry. So, let's get started.....

A lot has passed since I was here last - my one year clean and sober anniversary passed on February 18, my Mom finished her chemotherapy and radiation treatments, and I still have, and love, my job. There's so much positivity in my life today, and I like to keep it that way. Even if something bad happens, I try to see the good that can come out of it. In doing so, it keeps my mind and my spirit in balance.

I used to think that people who were happy all the time were sickening. Funny how my outlook has changed. I realize now that my mind at that time was in a not-so-good place, and what really bothered me about happy people was the very fact that they were happy. I think I was jealous of that on some level and wanted so desperately to be like them. Suffice to say, that I've finally reached that level, through hard work and a total overhaul in my thought process. Really, I always have been a happy-go-lucky kind of girl, but the difference between then and now is that I'm not hiding behind any masks. Not so long ago, I put on a "happy face" just to hide the darkness inside so no one would see that I was really suffering. Today, I truly am comfortable and content with who I am and the place that I'm in. No more masks; just being me, whether I'm in a good mood or a bad mood. I'm not as afraid to let my emotions show for the world to see. After all, even the sadness is part of who I am, and there's no reason in the world that I should hide it from anyone. None that I can see anyway.

I used to think a lot of things actually, but my perspective has changed so much in the last year or so, that I would need to write a few posts to discuss them all. So I will save those topics for another time. The bottom line is that my goal in life today is to not only be happy, but to make my world and our world a better place, or at least try my damnedest to make it that way. So far, so good on making myself happy. Unfortunately, I think the rest of the world is going to take a little more work.

I am by no means claiming to be perfect. I still cuss like a sailor, I can still be opinionated and judgemental at times, and I still over-obsess on a lot of different things, which is usually activities that stimulate my "gotta have it now" nature. Not drugs or drink, obviously, but things like my various hobbies. Because when I over-obsess, nothing else gets done, like housework. But I try to be self-aware of those things, especially the opinionated and judgemental part of my life. I can honestly say that if and when I do that now, it is unconsciously done, or at least at that moment, but hopefully, I will catch myself later so that I can correct it in the future. Because I know from personal experience, and I know everyone can relate to this, that I've been judged and it doesn't feel very nice. In fact, it feels very icky. I try to live with the attitude that everyone has a story. If I do not know that story and have not walked in that person's shoes, then who am I to judge them? It's a simple concept really and I wish that I'd have practiced that my entire life. But, better late than never. As with anything else, I can only move forward.

Well, I know this was kind of short, but I at least wanted to say, "Hey, I'm still alive over here!" and let those of you who do read my blog know that I am most definitely doing well, and trying to live my life in happier and healthier ways than in the not so far off past. I owe it to myself, and to my loved ones around me, to be the best person that I can be and never look back. I strive every day to reach my fullest potential as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and human being.