Dusting Off My Halo

This isn't going to be a big story or anything. I just need to get some feelings out so I can feel a little better, or at least try. My heart has been heavy the past few days due to some harassment issues, which I would rather not go into detail here. I've never gone through this before and I'm having a difficult time dealing with it. I do talk about it when I need to, but I'm just tired of HAVING to deal with it. And the worst part of it is, I feel like I only have myself to blame.

I do know I do not deserve to be stalked, by anyone, but had this individual not been introduced into my life during active addiction, I wonder if this would even be happening. I HAVE to take responsibility, at least for that. It fills me with quite a bit of guilt; not only am I affected by it, but so is my husband. I feel like when I'm only just trying to put the past behind me, it just comes creeping back, literally.

A couple of people I spoke to today, though, put it into perspective for me. The past is the past, and I've consistently been working hard to move forward and rebuild my life in a positive way. That being said, no matter what I've done, I don't deserve to be stalked or harassed, especially when I've made it quite clear that I want no contact. I know they are right, and I keep telling myself that and it's helping.

The consequences of our actions can be a real bitch. However, there are laws and boundaries that no one should cross, regardless. I've taken steps in doing the right thing, even though the devil on my shoulder tells me otherwise. I made a commitment to myself after this last devastating relapse to always do the right thing, and move forward, and ask for help when I need it. So, as much as I'd like to choke the crap out of this person, I'm not going to stoop down to their level.

This is where my Dialectal Behavioral Therapy comes into play...big time.

~AJW 7/7/11~